Sunday, 30 October 2016

Spooktober: A Visual Moodboard

Jenny x

Collages were made by me. Happy Halloween 2016! WooooooooOOOOoooo!!

Monday, 17 October 2016

I See Stars Where There Used To Be None

TW: Mention of self- harm

Being 15 was not a great time for me. Call it teenage angst, call it whatever you please but I truly felt like I was losing almost every inch of my damn self as the months dragged on. Happiness slipped through my fingers, almost as if they were saying Hey, it was fun while it lasted but you knew that this was only temporary, right?  I was a ghost. There but not really there. I was inhabiting an intense energy that slowly began to course through my body, leaving my stomach in knots and my mind in a dangerous haze. Before I knew it, I had fallen head- first into a black sea and no matter how many times, I tried to come up for air, the waves would just keep coming.
It was painful to realise the extent of the turmoil that had harboured inside of myself. I could see it in my empty eyes. Lack of appetite. Missing days of school. Unspoken words buried deep in my throat. Fingertips pressing a sharp blade against my skin. Lines etched onto my arms. Things I used to love seemed to have no magic in them anymore. I hated what I had become and that only made it worse. I wished that the world would just open up and swallow me so that I could stop hurting.

For a long while, all I could think about was putting an end to it all. More and more unwanted tenants made a home in my head. There were so many of them and yet, I had never felt more fucking alone. I had to get them out. I needed to get them out. They were draining me, scooping up everything I loved, taunting me and I was so tired of it. I was so exhausted of playing my own crippling mind games.

No more crying. No more. Just breathe for once. Breaaathe. 

Gradually, stars began to twinkle in my starless void as I festered my negative energy into creating. For sure, I was no Picasso but that didn't matter. For what seemed like a long time, I had something to fuel me. Art was like some kind of magic that healed my wounds and eased my mind. It pulled me from an abyss that had seemed bottomless and never-ending.

Once I started to draw, collage, write... just create, I was consumed by a totally different energy that was quite overwhelming until I realised how much I loved it. The waves were finally beginning to calm and it was as if I had sprouted a pair of feathered wings. Although remnants of past ghosts linger and bad days still come uninvited, creating has given me some kind of purpose.

Whether it was everyday or every few weeks, this was what kept me going. It made me feel alive. And it still does. In times of despair, love and passion through the power of creativity is what we live for. Music, books, art, films... They speak directly to our souls and unites us. Without it, what are we living for?

Also featured on Gem Magazine's Gemhood Clube section.

Jenny x

Collages and gifs were made by me. 

Thursday, 6 October 2016

Spooktober: UNTRUST US ♫

Since we are now in one of the greatest months of the year (sadly, we don't celebrate it that much here in Australia but whatever), I thought I would share this little ~spooky~ playlist that I made a while ago. Just to kick things off on this blog.

 I made it after watching Donnie Darko for the 2nd time. Although I was slightly less confused than the first time that I viewed the film, I found myself still in that same strange daze. Why was Donnie wearing that stupid man suit? Why was Frank wearing his stupid bunny suit? What exactly happened in those 28 days? Why 28? Why not 29? Or 30?

The songs that I had compiled were birthed from this odd feeling where things just don't seem to be right. Songs that you can't help but find yourself being pulled into their weird, alluring trances.

Listen Here

Jenny x

Drawings were made by me.